A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times

How women rate their men....

You make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Easy as...

But do something she dislikes, and those points are so very easily subtracted.
Oh, and you don’t get any points for something she expects either.

So let’s see how it works then.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed.  (+1)
You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow.  (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.  (-1)

You check out a suspicious noise at night.  (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing.  (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.  (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod.  (+10)
It’s her pet.  (-20)

You go out to buy her what she wants.  (+5)
In the rain.  (+8)
But return with beer.  (-5)

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party.  (0)
You stay by her side a while then go chat with a buddy.  (-2)
Named Tina.  (-10)
Tina is a dancer.  (-20)
Tina has silicone implants.  (-80)

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner.  (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar.  (+3)
Okay, it’s a sports bar.  (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat-night.  (-3)
It’s a sports bar, all-you-can-eat-night, and you painted your face in your favourite team’s colours.  (-10)

A Night Out:

You take her to a movie.  (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes.  (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate.  (+6)
You take her to a movie you like.  (-2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop.’  (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.  (-15)

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable pot belly.  (-15)
You develop a noticeable pot belly and exercise to get rid of it.  (+10)
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to wearing baggy jeans and Hawaiian shirts to hide it.  (-30)
You say ‘who cares, you have one too.’  (-8000)

The Big Question:

She asks, ‘Do I look fat?’  (-5)  [Yes you lose points no matter what.]
You hesitate in responding.  (-10)
You reply, ’Where?’  (-35)
Any other response.  (-20)


When she wants to discuss a problem, you listen while looking concerned.  (0)
You listen for over thirty minutes.  (+50)
You listen for over thirty minutes while not looking at the television.  (+500)
She realises it’s because you have fallen asleep.  (-4000)

Little wonder the very first man still alive to reach 1000 points
is predicted in early 2075.

KEEPING SCORESocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

A few years I read a New Scientist article about a psychologist called Piers Steel, who had studied procrastination. This thread reminded me about that article, and that the psychologist had formed an equation to describe procrastination!

I found a round up of the study on www.itwire.com

Steel generally found that men postpone more than women, and younger people procrastinate more than older people. Perfectionists procrastinate less, but worry more, than those without that perfection trait.

Overall, though, Steel found four factors that determine procrastination or its opposite (the desire (U) to complete the task):

(1) Expectation (E) of Success (how confident a person is at completing a task successfully);

(2) Personal Sensitivity to Delay (D) (how easily a person is distracted by the task);

(3) Value (V) of Completion (how undesirable, unpleasant, boring, menial, agonizing the task is viewed by the person); and

(4) Immediacy (I) of Task (how quickly or delayed is the reward for performing the task).

As quoted within the New Scientist article “Procrastination: The thief of time,” Steel stated, "We prize the now so much more than the later. So if a task can be realized now and we can have the pleasure now, we value that a lot more than something that will have a larger reward with greater certainty later."

Basically, Steel concludes that procrastination is not due to one factor. Instead, it comes about from many differences in personality from each individual and, equally as important, from each particular situation confronted by each individual.

Steel is confident that he can even predict the amount of procrastination. He states, from the same New Scientist article, "Procrastination can be understood, or summarized at least, by a mathematical equation."

He takes into account the four factors stated earlier and quantifies (measures) each of them: Expectation, how confident a person is at succeeding in the task (E); Value, how pleasant the person perceives the task to be (V); Distraction how easily distracted or sensitive the person is (D); and Immediacy, how much time will elapse before the reward for completing the task arrives (I).

The formula is therefore U = (E x V) / (I x D), where U is the desire to complete the actual task.

I think what the formula means is that if you're confident of succeeding in the task, and think that it's worthwhile doing, and you make sure you reward yourself for completing the task; you'll be less temped to put it off.

A fat lot of good all that did me quite recently when I was running exceptionally late on a couple of university assignments that I had to complete by the first of March this year.

MAYBE LATERSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


“You want me to go into that room with all those children, correct their disruptive behaviour, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their t-shirt messages, and instil in them a love for learning.”

"You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.”

“You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a cheque book, and apply for a job.”

“You want me to check their heads for lice, recognise signs of anti-social behaviour, and make sure they all pass their exams.”

“You also want me to provide them all with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish, Greek, Urdu or any other language, by letter, e-mail, telephone, newsletter, and report card.”

“You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a flip chart, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.”

“You want me to do all this and then tell me...”

“I CAN’T PRAY?”          


TEACHING TODAYSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

JUST A CRUSHSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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