A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times

KEEPING SCORE



How women rate their men....

You make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Easy as...

But do something she dislikes, and those points are so very easily subtracted.
Oh, and you don’t get any points for something she expects either.

So let’s see how it works then.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed.  (+1)
You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow.  (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.  (-1)

You check out a suspicious noise at night.  (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing.  (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.  (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod.  (+10)
It’s her pet.  (-20)

You go out to buy her what she wants.  (+5)
In the rain.  (+8)
But return with beer.  (-5)

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party.  (0)
You stay by her side a while then go chat with a buddy.  (-2)
Named Tina.  (-10)
Tina is a dancer.  (-20)
Tina has silicone implants.  (-80)

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner.  (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar.  (+3)
Okay, it’s a sports bar.  (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat-night.  (-3)
It’s a sports bar, all-you-can-eat-night, and you painted your face in your favourite team’s colours.  (-10)

A Night Out:

You take her to a movie.  (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes.  (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate.  (+6)
You take her to a movie you like.  (-2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop.’  (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.  (-15)

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable pot belly.  (-15)
You develop a noticeable pot belly and exercise to get rid of it.  (+10)
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to wearing baggy jeans and Hawaiian shirts to hide it.  (-30)
You say ‘who cares, you have one too.’  (-8000)

The Big Question:

She asks, ‘Do I look fat?’  (-5)  [Yes you lose points no matter what.]
You hesitate in responding.  (-10)
You reply, ’Where?’  (-35)
Any other response.  (-20)

Communication:

When she wants to discuss a problem, you listen while looking concerned.  (0)
You listen for over thirty minutes.  (+50)
You listen for over thirty minutes while not looking at the television.  (+500)
She realises it’s because you have fallen asleep.  (-4000)

Little wonder the very first man still alive to reach 1000 points
is predicted in early 2075.






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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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