A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times



Of course I love ya darling 
You're a bloody top Notch bird 
And when I say you're gorgeous 
I mean every single word 

So ya bum is on the big side 
I don't mind a bit of flab 
It means that when I'm ready 
There's somethin' there to grab 

So your belly isn't flat no more 
I tell ya, I don't care 
So long as when I cuddle ya 
I can Get my arms round there 

No woman born who is your age 
Has nice round perky breasts 
They just gave in to gravity 
But I know ya did ya best 

I'm tellin ya the truth now 
I never tell ya lies 
I think its very sexy 
That you've got dimples on ya thighs 

I swear on me grannies grave now 
The moment that we met 
I thought you was as good as 
I was ever gonna get 

No matter wot you look like 
I'll always love ya dear 
Now shut up while the soccer's on 
And fetch another beer

And all that money wasted 
on widescreen television 
the pictures lost behind your arse 
he says with no derision...



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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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