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10 years ago
Ok, I’ve been gone for a week now and the blog is already far behind. I mean for you guys I haven’t even landed in Oz yet. But I did and was only 20 minutes late in doing so, which is far better than some of the local bus services back home I might add.
Anyway… After reading about all the extremes of the TSA in America within the almighty treasures of the Goog, I was fully expecting to be strip searched and having my botty seriously violated on entry to this huge country (yes I do generally look that dodgy), I therefore felt completely cheated to be only politely requested to amble past a tiny sniffer dog; a beagle barely the size of my fist. I mean, I had lube at the ready and everything. What the fark kind of way to quell a revolution is that? I nearly demanded to go through again such was the level of my disappointment.
And but for the fact I had someone rather special waiting for me at incoming, I would have made more of a fuss but schedules were at stake here and whereas I was here on my jollies, my hosts still had work and other daily nasties to take care of so my terroristic activities had to be somewhat curtailed for now. Maybe on my way back home perhaps…
MEET MY HOST
“I had someone rather special waiting for me at incoming”… Meet Jodie Anderson, AKA Jodie Dragonfly to the members of Google. A remarkable woman who not only holds down a full time job, spends upwards of a further 40 hours coordinating Emergency services cadets, even more time supporting Rural fire service and still found some time to keep a certain Brit entertained through the wee small hours of the UK night. She really is a human dynamo without an ounce of selfishness in her body. A simple look through her diary would tell the most sceptic of onlookers that this woman is driven with a passion for her cadets. Well you would do if you could wade through all the innuendos and general high level flirting the two of us have been up to, but maybe we best not go there.
I know a few of our closer Googlies have been half expecting us to shag each other to death within minutes of meeting each other but we have nonetheless managed to keep things real. I mean there is more to life than sex you know. Like bacon. You must always find time for bacon!!
And then there is work and blogging and coffee drinking to be done. Things that could get either embarrassing or at least messy if done in a multitasking jerky sort of way. So with all this in mind, I regret to inform the raunchier among you readers that we have decided to limit our lovemaking activities to a mere 12 times a day for now. We will of course review this from time to time for the inclusion of the occasional quickie here and there and hope this will be to your liking. And no, there won’t be any pics as photographers are quite pricey at that time of night.
Needless to say what with the effects of things like jet lag, unpacking and general getting used to having each other around, it would have been easy to include sight-seeing photos but the inside of a stranger’s bedroom might not be that interesting to some so maybe we should skip that bit. And what I am really trying to say is that in being so bold here I am hoping you are now sat wondering whether or not we did or didn't. Hopefully too you will get the picture it is none of your business and just leave it at that.
AND LIFE GOES ON
For the greater part of the first week, I was invited along to where Jodie works. Naturally I wasn’t to be allowed on the actual shop floor so to speak but I was allowed to come and go in and out of the canteen area and help myself to drinks and the like. The whole setup seems quite civilised on the face of things despite it being an office of sorts with which comes the usual mix of office politics and treacherous back stabbing bitchiness. Something I was soon to become a part of; as it was later declared I was a ‘security risk’ to the smooth running of everyday operations (I told you I looked dodgy).
Maybe it was because I wandered round taking pictures of the place, maybe it could have been the fact I was roaming around with a netbook and they feared I was illegally tapping into their wifi. They are after all one of the biggest ISPs in town here. Or maybe, just maybe, some back stabbing knob head had heard about my reputation on G+ (thanks for that) and had insisted the higher authorities put a stop to me being there. In any case the “Yes” Optus trademark was specifically changed just for me and was now a resounding “Optus says NO!”
At any rate, whatever prompted their decision, I was left out in the not so cold baking heat of the great outdoors to wander around aimlessly for hours on end (Nice tan by the way) free from the great constraints of air conditioning and shaded office interiors. Oh my god, I’m from England, I’ll melt in this climate! And despite going walkabout all alone unable to find Jenny Agutter I did make it unlike my friend Mr Toad here.
Luckily, there is still plenty for me and others like me to do while left to our own devices. Sightseeing was one option and I did manage to get some in here and there. Then there were the coffee shops. Can somebody please explain the whole range of latte, skinny, full blown, half baked, dry, medium, and sweet and all that really means? And for God’s sake tell me why nobody other than me seems to know what Nescafe instant is. I know someone has to know because I alone cannot buy the 50,000,000 jars on display in any supermarket. Give me coffee dammit, not a crash course in some foreign language.
Anyway I digress… Back on the wildlife front, I had yet to meet the herds of assassins promised in all the holiday brochures. But I did manage to see a wombat…
Billy Bob is that you mate?
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