Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things.

I phoned the police but was told that regrettably, no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up the phone.

A minute later I rang them again. "Hello," I said, "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now, because I've shot them."

Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red handed.

One of the officers said: "I thought you said you shot them."

To which I replied: "I thought you said there was no one available."