A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times


An old colleague Barrie was quite an interesting character. He was a product of the British public school system, and it clearly showed. Thirty years of working all around the world from America to Australia had never shifted his very correct 'Queens English' pronunciation one iota. 

Funny that isn't it...

Because if you were to send a more common person like me to Australia for three weeks I'll probably come back talking like Joe Mangle from 'Neighbours'. But send someone who speaks 'proper' like Barrie, and it will have no impact whatsoever, no matter how long they're there.

Which is just as well really because if he had of been affected this way, I would have been forced to work with someone who 'suffers' from something which has recently become known as an ‘Antipodean Inflection’. And if that had ever happened, I may just have been forced to kill him!

You know what an Antipodean Inflection is... it's where every statement is made to sound like a question by a raise in pitch on the final word of the sentence...

Hi my name is Bruce? And I'll be your guide today? 
And it's going to be really interesting?

It drives me crazy... I mean, isn't he sure his name is Bruce, or that he'll be my guide? Is he hoping I'll confirm this rather basic information to him before proceeding? I've no idea.

Now I’m not for one minute suggesting that all Aussies speak this way, not for one minute no. It's all mainly down to the imported Australian TV shows like 'Neighbours' and 'Home and Away'.

But I swear that if I do nothing else in writing this very short piece, but bring this abomination to your attention, so that it irritates you just as much as it irritates me, then it will have been time well spent.

I really do see no good reason, why I should suffer alone.

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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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