IT'S SO MUCH MORE
THAN A BOOK...
It's a deceptively
rectangular shaped object containing several thousand carefully arranged words,
created when a person voluntarily sacrifices their sleep, sanity, social
interaction, and a perfectly serviceable amount of their remaining lifespan in
order to manufacture imaginary people with imaginary problems, set in imaginary exotic backgrounds, before spending four further months correcting all the commas.
A book is communication, traditionally
constructed from paper, ink, caffeine, self-doubt, existential dread and one
inexplicably troublesome chapter of blood, sweat and tears. A book exists primarily to transport the
reader into another world while its author remains behind, staring nervously at
sales figures and wondering why nobody has left a review yet.
Books are instrumental. They have toppled
governments, started religions, ended relationships, inspired revolutions,
educated civilizations and provided humanity with something impressive-looking
to put on shelves behind them during video calls for years now.
In its most
advanced form, a book may also be adapted into a major motion picture, at which
point approximately 63% of its plot is savagely removed, 22% is re-written, and
somebody who never had one previously, is given a sword prior to a gender reassignment.
Along with an explosion or two being added to Chapter Three for good measure.
And it's probably
at this stage when the audience eventually mutters:
“THE BOOK'S A LOT
BETTER THAN THE MOVIE.”
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