A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times


I've been getting ready for Christmas
All revved up for the great magical day
my credit card's cracked and my freezer is packed
'cause I started my shopping in May

Our Xmas tree, it stands tall & proud
and as rigid as a totem,
With Christmassy baubles just hangin' there.....
like testies in an old scrotum!


And the mistletoe's hanging in bunches
'cause the odd Christmas kiss isn't wrong
and the neighbour I've found - quite likes calling round
and exploring my crowns with her tongue

The bin men have gotten quite friendly too
they're after a present I fear
they won't feel so chuffed when I tell them - get stuffed
'cause they don't speak the rest of the year


At Christmas time, when we were just kids,
we were sad and so bloody poor,
and Santa weren't too generous either
when he knocked upon our old front door 

But we all made do by just saving up,
yes we saved up every last bit
"We may be poor" said our dear old Dad,
"but I really don’t give a shit!" 


Now the family is coming for dinner
last year it was quite a good laugh
we ate fairly late - dished the veg on the plate
while the turkey still thawed in the bath.

But everyone loved Christmas dinner,
no if's, no and's or no but's,
and all of us kids would piss ourselves loudly
when Grandfather dropped us his guts.


the Kids now get pink with excitement
'cause Santa will come so they say
their lists are extensive – extremely expensive
and probably broke Boxing day

We'd leave out a six pack for Santa
and he’d always drink it quite quick,
then I found out too late it was just my old man,
the funny old drunken prick!


But it's worth all that fuss Christmas morning
when their little eyes are aglow
when we're all feeling merry, full of goodwill and sherry
and suffering from wind ... Ho Ho Blow

But please never forget why we do it
why each year we must go to this fuss...
For that guy up above who brought peace and brought love 

He probably owns Toys ‘R’ Us...

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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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