A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times


'Twas the night just after Christmas -- Old Santa he was pissed.
He cussed the elves and reindeer while throwing down his list.
Horrid little bastids, ungrateful little jerks.
I’ve a good mind now to give it up and scrap the whole damned works!

 I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
And instead of "Thanks Santa" -- what else do I hear?
The old lady bitches ‘cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money -- The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Blitzen has AIDS.

And just when I’m thinking that things could get better
Those assholes from the IRS  have sent to me a letter,
They say I owe them taxes -- if that ain't so damned funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus, any Christmas money?

And the kids these days -- they’re all the pits
They want the impossible -- Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year making toys. Little carts and sleds
Making dolls and teddy bears... Their arms, and legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's -- But there's no requests for them,
They look out now for laptops... they think I'm IBM!

Flying through the air... and dodging all the trees
Falling down tight chimneys and skinning all my knees.

So there won’t be a Christmas any more,
I’ve spat my dummy on the floor.
I quit, I’m done, I’ve had enough -- and here it is my reason,
I found me a blonde who I adore so I'm living down SOUTH for next season!

So I quit this job right here and now, for me there's no enjoyment
I think I'll sit on my fat ass, and draw on unemployment.

I suppose the only reason Santa has remained so jolly for so much 
time is because he knew all along, where all the bad girls live.

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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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