A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times

Tonight’s story has been cobbled together especially with Steph in mind. This is because a couple of times now she has asked for happier endings to what I write. So with that in mind, here goes:

Harold, a sprightly 95 year old man was living in a care home for the elderly. And every night he goes to a secluded part of the home’s gardens to sit and ponder all his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, another of the home inmates, wanders into the same area as Harold. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours had passed them by as they were reliving their lives between them.

After a short while Harold looks at the 87 year old Mildred and says, “It’s a funny old thing this ageing lark, but do you know the one thing I miss most of all?”

“What would that be then Harold?” she asks him.

“Believe it or not, sex”, he replies.

“Why you dirty old fart Harold”, Mildred exclaims, “I bet you couldn’t get it up anyway. Not even if I held a gun to your head!”

“Oh I realise that,” replies Harold, “But it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while, you know, for old time’s sake.”

“Ah you poor, poor man, let me oblige,” says Mildred as she unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and rolls it between her fingers.

As was to be expected, there was little change to the status quo, but the couple sat together for another hour or so.

After the evening sun began to drop, the couple arranged to secretly meet again every night after dinner, where they would sit and talk and Mildred would take hold of Harold’s manhood. They did this fifteen nights without fail, and then the story turned.

You see on the sixteenth night, Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed at this, Mildred decided to go look for him and make sure he was alright. She walked all the way round the care home, checking all the rooms as she passed them but there was no sign of Harold.

Eventually, while checking round the gardens a second time, she found Harold sitting by the pool with an 84 year old woman called Evelyn. She was another of the care home inmates and she too was talking to Harold while holding his manhood.

Furiously Mildred yelled over at the two of them, “How could you? You two timing old bastard! What does she, that tart have, that I don’t?”

Looking down at Evelyn’s violently shaking hand, Harold could only tell Mildred the truth.

“Parkinson’s.” He replied as his eyes began to glaze over.

TILL DEATH DO US PARTSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


  1. stephie said...
    oooh that's naughty! but very funny!
    Anonymous said...
    never knew parkinsons had an advantage.

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