A collection of short stories and journalistic commentaries depicting my simple life
and how I fit in with the modern day universe of our times

Sydney Day Two


She lay there spread across the mattress of the bed as naked as the day she was born as he leant over her. He could see her eyes dilated, her nostrils flared and her face flushed in front of him as he closed in for another kiss. Their lips met and he raised his hands to hold her in a warm embrace and that was when it all happened...

“Well, those of you who know me, will know I don’t do sympathy... well I sometimes even thrive on the pain of others... in saying this, today, I was almost moved to changing my heartless ways... seeing this pommie git in agony, was almost too much to bear... well if I could have stopped laughing that is...

Let me take you back to the scene of the crime, crime against nature... Newcastle beach, midday sun, pommie in a white wife beater enjoying the sun with 2 Australian goddesses (love you Cath)...

“I don’t burn” he says
“I go pink then tan” he says

He has been rubbing this in for a few days now... you see, I burn and peel and go back to lily white and I am quite happy with my healthy fear of the midday sun and its nasty side effects on my tattoos... after all I have spent a lot of money to be THIS coloured...

We had breakfast in the sun, because, when you are English you don’t see this yellow orb as often, so you make the most of it... waiting for close on an hour, the bacon finally arrived and breakfast was being served at 11:30am... any good sun fearing Aussie knows that you stay out of the sun between 10am and 2pm, but Cath and I were partly shaded so we didn’t worry too much about the Pommie bastid... (Can I just say, I was not happy with the fact the coffee machine was broken down either, what sort of establishment offers breakfast and no coffee!!!) So breaky now done and dusted, it was off to the beach, for some site seeing...

Crystal clear blue water, blue skies, the occasional white fluffy hint of a cloud, the day couldn’t have been more perfect... even the dolphins were enjoying the day, frolicking in the waves... I have never been to Newcastle before and I must say, OMG, why did it take me so long to discover this hidden gem!!!!

After a couple of hours walking along the beach at Newcastle with Cath, Cath and I having a chat and Andy taking pics for this blog, we jumped in the car to 'go up the hill' to see how the other half live... some gorgeous houses, spectacular views and a Harry’s Cafe de Wheels pie to be had... pie sadly was a disappointment to Andy... I was still full from breaky and just needed water as the sun was sooo dehydrating... please note, I have still not had coffee!!!

After dropping Cath back home and a 90 minute drive to the hotel in Sydney, we finally unveiled the newly pinked Andy... at first I thought he still had his Die Hard (wife beater) vest on, but no, it was actually his white chest and his very very VERY red arms and neck... Andy still boasting about how he is going to look great tanned when the red goes...

a cautious day in the sun the next day, with Andy wearing long sleeve shirt over the top of his t-shirt to make sure he didn’t do anymore damage... common sense would have probably suggested a day away from the harbour and beach of Watsons bay, but that not how I roll... I was on a mission to show Andy every one of my favourite places in Sydney while we were here... that came all unstuck Tuesday lunch time...

after a night out seeing Sydney at night and taking pics of the bridge and opera house and wandering around the city at night, well I was limping, but that is a whole other story, I don’t give sympathy, therefore I don’t expect it... anyways, Andy discovered what happens when blood flow hits dry burned skin suddenly...”

AND LIKE THE STORY BEGAN…

“The itching across his arms was now driving him to distraction and he was laughing out loud at the pain because I fear if he hadn’t he would have been in tears... no amount of cold wet towels, cold water or after sun moisturiser would help him, so he quickly put himself in a scalding tub of water to try and equalise the burning sensation in his arms... this was my cue to go to the chemist across the road and get some aloe vera gel and burn neutralising/numbing spray...

What I came back to was a 6 foot 2 inch naked man spread out in the bath tub, looking maybe a bit more human, and not driven to want to scratch his arms clear through to the bone... far more contented, but the room was like a sauna... I sprayed the numbing solution onto his arms, brought him in a bacon and egg roll and left him to soak some more...

Later on, a much more human Andy emerged from the bathroom, hoping that the poor housekeeping guy that brought more towels, didn’t see him in there with his legs resting half way up the shower walls... how easily this Englishman seem to be restored, scalding hot bath, fresh towels, numbing spray for the burn and a bacon and egg butty for the belly... and all was well in his world again...

I think Andy is now starting to understand why I am white and why all the road signs on the way from Queensland to Sydney were talking about sun sense and skin cells in trauma... we are the lucky country with our sun and sand and beautiful clear blue waters, but with all that beauty comes the responsibility for us to take care of ourselves...


Yes I shooped on extra tan so you could better get the idea
PS Andy said he will still be brown tomorrow... sighs”

Thanks Jodie, What do you know about tanning anyway? And whereas I cannot deny any of what you have said, I will however point out that the Aloe Vera moisturising lotion you gave me should NOT have been stored in the room's mini bar freezer and consequently applied in a frozen state. I make no apologies for the holes left in the ceiling that day.


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Its my own fault really, its all about what I see in the world, and how it all translates for me.

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